Home Sick

God put a love in my heart for the Haitians that I can't explain. He didn't put it there for my personal enjoyment. He put it there to bring glory to His name. However, because of this love for them, I enjoy solely bringing glory to His name. Praising HIm derive the deepest joy and by doing so it brings glory and makes Him known to the people I love. Worship and service are for my enjoyment but because of love, they are my joy.

To wrap my arms around you and hold you,
to grab your hand and walk with you,
to wipe the tears off your face,
to sit under a tree and talk with you,
to stand beside you and worship humbly,
to play games with you and be silly,
to dance to worship songs as you sing a long,
to lift you up when you fall down and carry you,
to be there with you and for you
is my constant desire.

Before I left for Haiti, my mom repeatedly told me that if I got homesick to tell her. She said, "being homesick is one of the worst feelings". I kept telling her that I wouldn't be homesick and I never was. I did miss my family and friends, but I never wanted to leave early because I didn't want to even think about missing out on being a part of God's great work there. On the other hand, I dreaded leaving. Throughout my month in Jacmel, I constantly prayed for peace about leaving my "home". Saying goodbye to my family there in Haiti was extremely difficult and despite many efforts, I did leave. For I have a mission, no matter my location. I am supposed to serve God and bring glory to His name in spreading the gospel and through love. That is my purpose. Oh how easy those words are to say when you are surrounded by twenty-three kids who light up your world. Its a totally different story when you are back in the states and going back to school the next day. The first few weeks back were extremely difficult. Dealing with not being in a place I love and coming back from a place that is SO different from what most people know as normalcy was a struggle. That has always been a struggle coming home from Haiti but being there a month intensified that. But to be useful for God, I had to learn to be content in where I am. If I have Him, I have more than enough. For God to use me, I had to completely surrender to Him and give up my life, my wants, and my desires. I had to redirect my desires to be His desires. I had to be totally surrendered to Him and where He wanted me to be. God gave me a love for Haiti, but He also gave me a passion to serve Him and be a part of His work, no matter where I am.-"Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name." Psalm 86:11- I wanted to be passionate about serving God even in Montgomery, Alabama at Trinity school, but I missed Haiti like crazy. I've never missed something so much. I missed all the little things about life in Haiti. I missed all the people I was with for hours everyday. I missed the pure joy in the Haitian's smiles. I missed everything. And at first, I felt like if I missed Haiti this much that it was bad because it could hinder my desire to be passionate about where God has called me to serve now. I realized, though, that it was okay if I missed Haiti that much, but I had to realize that Haiti is not my home, as I seem to always to refer to it as. My home isn't on this earth, and I am so glad it isn't.-"But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ." Philippians 3:20- I am so glad that I have a place beyond my greatest imagination with Christ Jesus that I can call home. Therefore, no matter where I am in this world, I am not home. I cannot find comfort in where I am or who I'm with. Contentment is something only one can have with Christ. Thank God for who He is and the peace and love He constantly pours out on us to make us feel at "home" in this fallen world.

I still miss everything about Haiti everyday, but I'm here. To know that I am exactly where God has called me to be at this given time (even if I don't know why) leaves me with so much excitement because I have personally seen the power of God and what He can do. I don't want to miss out on God's plan for me. To have the opportunity to serve such an awesome God, wherever I may be, is pure joy. The fact that God chooses to use me despite my weaknesses and flaws, is an amazing picture of grace in which I am truly thankful for. I am here for God's purpose alone and I can't wait to see what God has planned. I have been blessed with mission opportunities already here. Haiti is always on my heart and in my prayers. As I prepare to go back next week, Philippians 1:7,12 reigns true. "for whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God's grace with me...Now I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel." Wherever I am, spreading the gospel is my command. My prayer is that eyes, ears, and hearts are opened both of our team and of those we come in contact with. God does the impossible.